Busy life ... drama and blessings

It's been forever since I've posted anything ... the last few months have been busy, and my attention has been focused on other things, like trying to figure out how to get the facility paid where my grandfather lives because there is a month gap from when he ran out of money to when Medicaid kicked in. So far I've got nothing. I'm buying lottery tickets.

Had to lay down a boundary with a friend, and I think I didn't do the best job of it. I'm not sure I could have done a better job though. I felt like I was being collared and put on a leash, so I had to put my foot down, and this person is really, really, really not happy with me. I've struggled to explain my feelings, but they are unacceptable to that person. I don't know that the friendship will survive, I do know that I am not willing to sign the contract by which this person expects friends to abide. I'm still quite angry with this person, it's been in my dreams almost every night, so I think a ritual is going to be needed to really let it go. I need to be able to bless it and send it away.

The GOOD news is that my grandbaby girl entered the world on May 7th at 7am. Serenity Lee Marie, our pretty little Taurus, Sagittarian moon, Gemini Rising baby girl. She is beautiful! We are all so incredibly in love with her. Her mommy and daddy are in awe of their creation. We are looking forward to watching her grow and witnessing the person who is Serenity. I am a very happy and proud Nonna, and Rick is a very proud Papa!

Came across a fun blogging tool for when you don't know what to post (thank you Dianne Sylvan). It keeps you writing ... so here it goes:

Currently…
Listening to: Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong

Eating: Just finished a pack of Trader Joe's Omega Trek Mix.

Drinking: Water.

Reading: I have so many books going right now, latest Kindle download is Drift, by Rachel Maddow. I just love her. I admire her intelligence, strength and her diplomacy, as well as her ability to call bullshit when she sees it.

Watching: Nothing at the moment, saw Season 5 Episode 1 of True Blood last night, and watched The Avengers, which had some pretty funny moments.

Wearing: A white prairie dress with extremely delicate fabric that is trying to disintegrate. I'm refusing to let it.

Writing: This.

Thinking: I wish I was independently wealthy.

Feeling: My neck is hurting, tweeked it the other day. Discovered the wonder of turmeric as an anti-inflammatory, and it's feeling soooo much better than it would if I was just taking ibuprofen, and without the added strain to my kidneys!

Wanting: $6,500 to pay the facility where my grandfather lives.

Needing: To mop the floors in my house. It is far, far, far overdue.

Enjoying: I never thought I'd say it, but this being a grandmother stuff is pretty cool. I love being Nonna!

and, the Weather: 68, mostly cloudy, possible thunderstorm this evening. They keep saying that, and we get nothing but some little rumbles that can barely be heard. I want a big boomer! The kind that rattles the windows! (And for everyone to be safe and enjoy the storm!)

*Photo taken by my 5 of Clubs sister, Alison, when Serenity was 2 weeks old. Alison offers professional senior, family, and baby portraits in the Spokane area.

Knitting ... Laxy Lazy Style

I was mostly housebound for the month following my Bella Bug getting totalled, and had to find something to do to keep my busy. I had been trying to crochet something, and was at the craft store looking at yarn when my honey, who was quite impatient for me to hurry the hell up so he could get the hell out of there, looked down and saw the book Stitch N'Bitch by Debbie Stoller. He thought I'd dig the name, so he showed me the book. I had been wanting to learn how to knit, and so I bought the book ... and that's what I've been doing since.

You see, the truly wonderful thing about knitting is that I can create something while being super lazy. I LOVE this! I can sit on my couch, knitting away, and watch movies, talk on the phone, etc. What I can't do while knitting are things I don't want to be doing too much of anyway, namely eating and drinking, so this is a win win for me.

One of the things I was directed to right away was Ravelry. I love this site, and it's fun to post about my projects and my progress, plus it's nice to keep track of things there. It's sort of like keeping a portfolio or a journal of what you've done. I haven't had to ask for help yet, as I've found everything I need thus far either in Stitch 'N Bitch or I've been able to google it, but I've seen others post in the forums there and get plenty of help. Here are a few of my projects:

Knitting can be a bargain for something that is better quality than much of what you can buy, like a hat or gloves or a scarf, but it can also get spendy for projects needing multiple skeins of yarn, like a sweater calling for 15 skeins. A skein of yarn can cost anywhere from around $2.50 on up to over $20. The key for me is finding projects, putting them in my queue (on Ravelry), and budgeting for them. For example, I want to knit a sweater for my honey, which calls for 15 skeins of yarn. I've got to save up the cash to buy that many all at once (need to be the same dye lot), because spending $75 - $100 on one thing is difficult for my budget. Fortunately there are a lot of discounts available on the web, and I receive some great coupons via email from Joann's. On the other hand, I can knit a hat out of one skein - that's about $5 for a hat. My next project is a pair of gloves for my honey, which cost $8 for the yarn, pretty decent price for handmade wool gloves. The time? I enjoy it, so am happy to do it!

I've only made one thing for myself thus far, and honestly, I really like making stuff for other people (my yet-to-be-born granddaughter is the recipient of the 3 other things I've made), so I'm hoping I can start getting commissions to support my habit. I just love it!

2011 Ends with a crash & a bang

Well, I ended 2011 with a crash and a bang, literally. A deer decided to jump out at the side of my car, and my instant reflex was to swerve away from it. Big mistake. The next 3 seconds I remember in slow motion: the deer, the road, the feel of my car as it fishtailed, the wheel when it caught the side of the road, the flip, and then it was like in Willie Wonka when the boat is going and going and going, and then it stops, that fast. Bam, done, stop. And I'm hanging upside down, the windshield, which used to be about 2 feet from me (you sit smack in the middle of a VW New Beetle), is now about 6 inches from my face.

Thanks to my seat belt, German engineering, and luck, I walked away from it with just a few bumps and bruises. My Bella Bug was not so lucky ... may she rest in peace. I miss her. She was my favorite car EVER.

So, I'm carless for the time being. I thought about buying a bus pass, but they're $45! I can pretty much walk just about everywhere I need to go, but not necessarily to all of the places I want to go. I live 23 blocks from work, all uphill. Takes me 30 minutes to walk to work, and 40 minutes to walk home. I figure I'll split the difference - walk to work and take the bus home. It's light in the morning, and I'd rather not walk that far when it's dark. Fortunately we've had quite a mild winter thus far. If the weather changes, I may end up buying that bus pass.

My enforced exercise regimen for 2012, at least until I find another vehicle. But on the bright side, until I get a new car, I get to see this every morning on my walk to work:

Control vs Care

I read this post today by blogger Dan Pearce ... amazing, moving post: I’m Christian, unless you’re gay.

It hit really close to home for me, not because of the 'gay' thing, the post wasn't about being gay, and it wasn't about being Christian, it was about being human, and good, and kind, despite our differences. I loved it. And it really made me think of when my son and I were going through family counseling, and when I finally understood something our counselor kept saying: it doesn't matter what happened, it doesn't matter who was right or wrong, what matters is that we acknowledge and value the feelings the other person has surrounding the issue at hand, and let the rest go. It was one of those light bulb on moments. Seriously ah-freaking-ha. And wow, it's amazing the difference it has made not only in my relationship with my son, but in his choices - he no longer has a need to rebel because he's being heard, and he's being respected. He actually seeks out my counsel now, and he listens ... because I am listening and valuing him. It's pretty cool stuff.

It took a while for me to learn because I didn't grow up that way. Negative reinforcement was the name of the game in my upbringing. Everyone made everyone's issues everyone's business, and everyone had an opinion that everyone needed to hear. Boundaries are not to be respected in my family.

Generally, everyone picks on one person at a time. The 'pickee' changes, depending on which person in the family is currently having a rough time or handling something in a way that is not family-approved, whether they know anything about the issue(s) at hand or not. Since the last 'pickee' has gotten the majority of her shit straightened out, and since I've been having a bit of a rough time the past few years, I have become the new 'pickee'.

You see, I have problems. My son has problems. My boyfriend isn't perfect, so he has problems. In the grand scheme of things, I think our problems are no better than anyone else's, and they could be a lot worse. I am thankful for my blessings, that's for sure. I have learned through experience that my family sucks at solving problems, so I don't go to them for that kind of help. Where I get tripped up is when I occasionaly reach out to them for moral support. I don't know why I do this anymore, as I nearly always end up feeling like I'm the shit they just stepped in. It must be some left over, intrisic belief that they will actually be supportive rather than judgmental, that they will actually extend a hand to give me a hug rather than tell me how wrong, messed up, or my personal favorites, that I haven't 'dealt with my stuff' and 'need to be willing to do the work' - though no one seems to be able to offer me an example of what their version of these things looks like, nor give credit for any 'work' I've already done, because apparently I'll know I'm doing the work when I do it and they approve of it. Yes, very helpful, not. And it's always fun when they jump into an issue (read: all issues) to which they haven't been invited and about which they know nothing, because, well, because apparently blood relatives have an open invitation to comment on and sit in judgment upon any and all issues related to and/or concerning another blood relative. This open invitation comes in the form of 'caring' about that person.

I beg to differ.

I just wish they 'cared' enough to put away their pre-conceived ideas and actually listen to what I have to say, to what I'm feeling, and to respect that I'm a grown-up capable of making my own choices and handling my own shit. Naming all my faults and being pissed I'm not handling it their way doesn't contribute to the solution I haven't asked for. You see, I don't need their help, but it would be nice to have their compassion. I don't require them to agree with me, I don't require them to come up with a solution, I just wish they could put aside their conditions, and really just care.

Green oven cleaning success

So the oven turned out great! It took a little elbow grease, but considering I had no toxic fumes to inhale, wasn't bad at all. The oven could use another cleaning to really make it sparkle, but I'm not going to worry about that. The baking soda, salt & water mixture worked great! And it solved the problem I was having with over-browning.

Now for another green clean tip: get out tough stains, including those underarm yellow stains that just never go away no matter how much bleach you use. Check it out here at OnegoodthingbyJillee. Pretty neat stuff, and looks to be color safe as well. I can't wait to try it!

Happy T-day and oven cleaning

I hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving. I made the whole dinner this year, with the exception of the candied yams, and it turned out fantastic! Turkey, stuffing, garlic smashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauces, rolls, an apple pie and two pumpkin pies. My ex-husband wanted my yam recipe, so I told him if he made them he could use my recipe, and he did a good job, so he was forgiven for forgetting the green beans. I made everything from scratch, from the bread that went into the stuffing, to the rolls, gravy, pies, etc. My son apparently loved the gravy. There was probably 4 cups of it, and he practically sucked it through a straw! My feet and back were aching by the end of the day, but it was worth it. I love cooking for a group of people. It was a nice day.

The only problem was that my oven was browning everything really, really quickly. Thankfully I have a habit of checking things, and that saved my pies from burning on the top long before they were done. I had to cover the turkey within an hour of putting it in the oven! to keep the top from getting burned. My guess is that the oven is not heating evenly because of baked on whatever that happens over the course of 11 years of cooking.

Apparently it's beyond time to clean the oven. I hate cleaning the oven. I've lived in my house for going on 11 years, and have never cleaned the oven. Bad, I know. Oven cleaner is vile stuff, and I hate it.

I did some looking around on line for an environmentally friendly way of cleaning the oven and found a recipe I'm testing as I type this. 1 cup each salt, baking soda and water. Make into a paste and apply to all surfaces inside the oven. Turn the oven on to 500 degrees for one hour. Allow to cool, then wipe out with soapy water.

In another hour I'll know how it works :)

Craft / Exercise Room ... complete!

Spent a few hours on my Craft/Exercise Room last night, and it's all nice and clean, and smells good too! This is also the home of my Persian kitty, Ashlee. She doesn't like the other animals in the house, so we moved her upstairs to the Craft Room so she could have her own space. She is much happier.

My environment has a direct impact on my ability to work and/or create. When it gets disorganized, I just can't concentrate. It distracts me, and I get all bogged down. Now that my entire second floor is clean, I feel like I can create. AND I can make use of the lovely treadmill again. I have made use of it, quite a bit, just not recently ... because the dreaded Looming Room was in direct sight, which affected the state of the Craft Room. Now it's all clean, sparkly and magickal!

And with the addition of lavender and bergamot essential oils to the mop water, it all smells soooo nice!