Motivation to Get Back to Me

The last four years have basically been me saying "I've had it, I am done running here and there and everywhere, I am sick of the gym, I am tired, I have worked all day, I don't want to do laundry, I don't want to clean the house, I don't want to cook dinner, I am going to sit on the couch and drink wine." And that's what I did. I sat on the couch and drank wine for four years. And I started ordering from the dollar menu at McDonalds. And I gained 30 pounds.

I've made a few attempts during that time to get back into my old, good habits: getting up in the morning to work out, cleaning the house every week, cooking dinner more regularly, etc. But then something would happen for which I would assume responsibility, such as me becoming the legal guardian for my grandfather as a result of his advancing Alzheimer's, or being a parent of a teenage boy whose father causes more problems than he solves, or being the sole breadwinner of the household working 45 hours a week. And I'd hit the couch again.

This summer has been a turning point for me. I weigh more than I've ever weighed, I wear a bigger size than I've ever worn, I have cellulite on my thighs, my house is a mess and covered in dog hair, I haven't really created anything in I don't know how long, my gardens are a mess, I'm tired all of the time, and I don't feel like doing anything. And I'm turning 37 this summer (this Saturday), which means I'd better start being aware of how the foods I eat can clog my arteries, cause high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart attacks and strokes, not to mention gravity is a bitch.

But where to find the inspiration, the motivation, to get up and move? To create? To want to do something other than watch chick flicks with a glass or four of wine and a wedge of brie?

Well, the above picture is where that motivation slammed into home. I know, I know, it looks like a manipulation. My boyfriend's mom hasn't sent me the real picture yet, and I took a picture of the view screen of her camera so I could have it immediately. That's me on July 22nd with Ryan Qwanten, otherwise known as Jason Stackhouse of True Blood. He was having a few beers with a friend at a local restaurant, and was kind enough to take a picture with me. Very nice man, about 5'10, and if you've seen True Blood, you know how hot he is. I look enormous next to him!

Granted, I'm 5'9, I'll never be petite. But I was never big either, having sported a size 8 for most of my adult life. Now I probably outweigh him. The day after meeting Ryan I purchased a membership at my old gym. Nothing like feeling like a cow next to a celebrity to get you motivated! I've been going faithfully since. And you know what? It feels really, really good. I used to be such a gym rat, so it felt like coming home.

I am firmly on the road back to me.